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Just in case you need it

Tips from An Ordinary Journey Toolbox
Or
You might have been/are being abused if…

1. Listen to yourself - or as it's also known "Women's Intuition". A lot of people pooh-pooh this idea, but I've found if the pit of your stomach tells you something's up…you're probably right. This is a great way to start believing in yourself.
2. This is an old one and we keep disbelieving in it - "if it looks like a snake, and slithers like a snake, then it's a snake" - in other words, if they're too good to be true - they probably are too good to be true…run for the hills unless you're ready to join the circus as a snake charmer.
3. Jealousy and/or being cut off from your family and friends and your contacts are dwindled down to this one person….let's see - shall we call that control??? In my case I wasn't allowed to have phone or email contact with his family, yet he talked with my Mama 10-15 times a day - it was the only way he knew what I was doing and/or telling my family.
4. In order to isolate me from the rest of the world, the first week of our marriage, my ex-husband sold my car so I couldn't go anywhere when he wasn't home…I was too young to understand there was a bus stop and freedom two blocks away.
5. If you're not allowed to have access to a joint money account or if you have to give your paycheck to your spouse….hmmm let's see - I thought it was supposed to be "our" money…isn't that why it's called a joint account???
6. If excessive drinking and/or drugging is your significant other's daily/nightly exercise of choice - chances are you're either the physical or emotional punching bag portion of their workout.
7. If you're constantly being told by your significant other how fat you are, or how stupid you are, or how ugly you are, or any degrading name calling - you're smack dab in the middle of emotional abuse. The idea being they have to make you feel as bad about yourself as they feel about themselves.
8. If you're walking around with bruises you can't explain to friends and family or you're telling them your significant other didn't mean it….well, do I need to say more.
9. If "The Kids" either your two-footed children, or your four-footed animals are afraid of your significant other - DON'T MAKE ME COME OUT THERE - remember denial is a river in Africa…get them out of harm's way.
10. Stalking...if someone is excessively calling you everyday or following you all the time...it's a form of stalking.
11. Don't forget the Elderly Population - They are being physically, emotionally and financially abused every day.
10. I have two tips specifically for you as the observer:
a) if you suspect someone might be suffering with anorexia or bulimia this is a sure sign of abuse - there is evidence those abused feel food is the last area they have control over so they don't eat or they binge and purge; and
b) if an elderly relative is still living in their home with assistance, or residing in an assisted-living facility, please remember all the stories regarding physical, financial and emotional abuse of the elderly and check on them regularly.

OK, OK, OK - now take a deep breath…if any of the above apply to you (or someone you know) please start talking…to a therapist, a clergy member, a friend, a work mate, or to anyone you think will listen and believe you - even if to start with - it's to yourself in the bathroom mirror. Remember there are 3 parts to an abusive relationship: 1) the abuser, 2) the abused and 3) the observer(s) (which includes family member(s), friend(s), etc.) Once you start talking you, you'll start walking and you'll start healing. If you need it, click on the link below which gives you a contact list state by state. It's a place to start, to find an organization that will with keep your identity a secret and give you a safe haven for you and your children.

Acceleration of Violence

• Change in tone of voice.
• Change in attitude.
• Change in atmosphere in the room -- that your children and/or your four-footed furry babies notice -- and find a safe place to hide.

EMERGENCY EXIT - EXTREMELY IMPORTANT

You will never know when you have to escape a potentially deadly situation - please be prepared and create an emergency kit -- in case you have to leave on a moment's notice.

• Money and extra keys to your car and house
• Copies of driver's license, marriage license, social security card, credit cards, passport, and/or any other document you think you might need.
• Telephone numbers to a safe haven, police department, someone you trust to protect you when you leave.

God Bless! My prayers are with you and I hope you find your way on your ordinary journey -- and remember to Keep It Between The Ditches! Leigh

If you need it, click on the link below which gives you a national contact list state by state. Each state has many organizations listed who can provide help. It's a place to start, to find an organization that will keep your identity a secret and give you a safe haven for you and your children.

http://www.sboard.org/resources.htm

Self-Help/ Abuse 
ISBN#: 978-1-4243-3096-6
Paperback
$16.95
Sandbox Publishing
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